CryptoCompare needs javascript enabled in order to work. Follow these instructions to activate and enable JavaScript in Chrome. PC • To the right of the address bar, click the icon with 3 stacked horizontal lines. • From the drop-down menu, select Settings. • At the bottom of the page, click the Show advanced settings link. • Under the Privacy section, click the Content settings button. • Under the JavaScript heading, select the Allow all sites to run JavaScript radio button. • Finally, refresh your browser. MAC • Select Chrome from the Apple/System bar at the top of the screen. • Select Preferences. From the drop-down menu. • In the left-hand column, select Settings from the list. • At the bottom of the page, click the Show advanced settings link. • Under the Privacy section, click the Content settings button. • Under the JavaScript heading, select the Allow all sites to run JavaScript radio button. • Finally, refresh your browser. Litecoin - Is better use a good CPU. Go for an ATI GPU as its much more effective than its nVidia. Better than two dual GPU rigs for Scrypt mining? First of all, you need to know that your mining performance will depend on your hardware. Litecoin and especially Bitcoin require powerful resources to be mined profitably. There are several possibilities to choose from. First of all, you can use the hashing power of your CPU (central processing unit) or GPU (graphic.
0 Comments
Best Bitcoin Cloud Mining Pool - Bitcoin Wallet How To Use Genesis-Mining: Use this code NFK875 crypto-currency bitcoin is actually a world-wide currency which uses an open ledger process in order to track record deals being submitted anyone to a different. All of this happens without any central lender in the centre and it's also not governed through government, controlling body, individual company, or particular person. Monero pool litecoin mining mac pro ethereum mining software windows 10 litecoin mining for android how to mine litecoin linux monero xmr to usd how to mine with litecoin litecoin mining computer litecoin mining worth it. You can use the cloud to earn your coins. Put very simply, cloud mining means using (generally) shared processing power run from remote data centres. One only needs a home computer for communications, optional local bitcoin wallets and so on. However, there are certain risks associated with cloud mining that investors. BPMC Red Fury USB • 2.5 GH/s • 1.00 W/GH • 1.6 ounces • • • 0.00006672 • Overview - Table of Contents • • • • • • • • • Before we begin. Before you read further, please understand that most bitcoin users don't mine! But if you do then this is probably the best deal. Bitcoin mining for profit is very competitive and volatility in the makes it difficult to realize monetary gains without also speculating on the price. Mining makes sense if you plan to do it for fun, to learn or to support the security of Bitcoin and do not care if you make a profit. If you have access to large amounts of cheap electricity and the ability to manage a large installation and business, you can mine for a profit. HashFlare.io offers cryptocurrency cloud mining services on modern, high-efficiency equipment. If you want to get bitcoins based on a fixed amount of mining power, but you don't want to run the actual hardware yourself, you can purchase a mining contract. Another tool many people like to buy is a which enables people to load a debit card with funds via bitcoins. What is Bitcoin mining? Bitcoin mining is a lot like a giant lottery where you compete with your mining hardware with everyone on the network to earn bitcoins. Faster Bitcoin mining hardware is able to attempt more tries per second to win this lottery while the Bitcoin network itself adjusts roughly every two weeks to keep the rate of finding a winning block hash to every ten minutes. In the big picture, Bitcoin mining secures transactions that are recorded in Bitcon's public ledger, the block chain. By conducting a random lottery where electricity and specialized equipment are the price of admission, the cost to disrupt the Bitcoin network scales with the amount of hashing power that is being spent by all mining participants. Technical Background During mining, your Bitcoin mining hardware runs a (two rounds of SHA256) on what is called a. For each new hash that is tried, the mining software will use a different number as the random element of the block header, this number is called the nonce. Depending on the nonce and what else is in the block the hashing function will yield a hash which looks something like this: 93ef6f358fbb9d4c63735b7fe5bdaac821de96a53a9a You can look at this hash as a really long number. (It's a hexadecimal number, meaning the letters A-F are the digits 10-15.) To ensure that blocks are found roughly every ten minutes, there is what's called a difficulty target. To create a valid block your miner has to find a hash that is below the difficulty target. So if for example the difficulty target is 0000 any number that starts with a zero would be below the target, e.g.: 0787a6fd6e0782f7f8058fbef45f5c17fe89086ad4e78a1520d06505acb4522f If we lower the target to 0000 we now need two zeros in the beginning to be under it: 00db27957bd0ba06a5af9e6c2a7028cf9a08fa125e49f15cae4979 Because the target is such an unwieldy number with tons of digits, people generally use a simpler number to express the current target. This number is called the mining difficulty. The mining difficulty expresses how much harder the current block is to generate compared to the first block. So a difficulty of 70000 means to generate the current block you have to do 70000 times more work than had to do generating the first block. To be fair, back then mining hardware and algorithms were a lot slower and less optimized. To keep blocks coming roughly every 10 minutes, the difficulty is adjusted using a shared formula every 2016 blocks. The network tries to change it such that 2016 blocks at the current global network processing power take about 14 days. That's why, when the network power rises, the difficulty rises as well. Bitcoin Mining Hardware CPU In the beginning, mining with a CPU was the only way to mine bitcoins and was done using the original Satoshi client. In the quest to further secure the network and earn more bitcoins, miners innovated on many fronts and for years now, CPU mining has been relatively futile. You might mine for decades using your laptop without earning a single coin. GPU About a year and a half after the network started, it was discovered that high end graphics cards were much more efficient at bitcoin mining and the landscape changed. CPU bitcoin mining gave way to the GPU (Graphical Processing Unit). The massively parallel nature of some GPUs allowed for a 50x to 100x increase in bitcoin mining power while using far less power per unit of work. While any modern GPU can be used to mine, the AMD line of GPU architecture turned out to be far superior to the nVidia architecture for mining bitcoins and the ATI Radeon HD 5870 turned out to be the most cost effective choice at the time. FPGA As with the CPU to GPU transition, the bitcoin mining world progressed up the technology food chain to the Field Programmable Gate Array. With the successful launch of the Butterfly Labs FPGA 'Single', the bitcoin mining hardware landscape gave way to specially manufactured hardware dedicated to mining bitcoins. While the FPGAs didn't enjoy a 50x - 100x increase in mining speed as was seen with the transition from CPUs to GPUs, they provided a benefit through power efficiency and ease of use. A typical 600 MH/s graphics card consumed upwards of 400w of power, whereas a typical FPGA mining device would provide a hashrate of 826 MH/s at 80w of power. That 5x improvement allowed the first large bitcoin mining farms to be constructed at an operational profit. The bitcoin mining industry was born. ASIC The bitcoin mining world is now solidly in the Application Specific Integrated Circuit (ASIC) era. An ASIC is a chip designed specifically to do one thing and one thing only. Unlike FPGAs, an ASIC cannot be repurposed to perform other tasks. An ASIC designed to mine bitcoins can only mine bitcoins and will only ever mine bitcoins. The inflexibility of an ASIC is offset by the fact that it offers a 100x increase in hashing power while reducing power consumption compared to all the previous technologies. Unlike all the previous generations of hardware preceding ASIC, ASIC may be the 'end of the line' when it comes to disruptive mining technology. CPUs were replaced by GPUs which were in turn replaced by FPGAs which were replaced by ASICs. There is nothing to replace ASICs now or even in the immediate future. There will be stepwise refinement of the ASIC products and increases in efficiency, but nothing will offer the 50x to 100x increase in hashing power or 7x reduction in power usage that moves from previous technologies offered. This makes power consumption on an ASIC device the single most important factor of any ASIC product, as the expected useful lifetime of an ASIC mining device is longer than the entire history of bitcoin mining. It is conceivable that an ASIC device purchased today would still be mining in two years if the device is power efficient enough and the cost of electricity does not exceed it's output. Mining profitability is also dictated by the exchange rate, but under all circumstances the more power efficient the mining device, the more profitable it is. If you want to try your luck at bitcoin mining then this is probably the best deal. Bitcoin Mining Software There are two basic ways to mine: On your own or as part of a Bitcoin mining pool or with and be sure to. Almost all miners choose to mine in a pool because it smooths out the luck inherent in the Bitcoin mining process. Before you join a pool, make sure you have a so you have a place to store your bitcoins. Next you will need to join a mining pool and set your miner(s) to connect to that pool. With pool mining, the profit from each block any pool member generates is divided up among the members of the pool according to the amount of hashes they contributed. How much bandwidth does Bitcoin mining take? If you are using a for mining with a pool then the amount should be negligible with about 10MB/day. However, what you do need is exceptional connectivity so that you get any updates on the work as fast as possible. This gives the pool members a more frequent, steady payout (this is called reducing your variance), but your payout(s) can be decreased by whatever fee the pool might charge. Solo mining will give you large, infrequent payouts and pooled mining will give you small, frequent payouts, but both add up to the same amount if you're using a zero fee pool in the long-term. Bitcoin Cloud Mining By purchasing Bitcoin cloud mining contracts, investors can earn Bitcoins without dealing with the hassles of mining hardware, software, electricity, bandwidth or other offline issues. Being listed in this section is NOT an endorsement of these services and is to serve merely as a Bitcoin cloud mining comparison. There have been a tremendous amount of Bitcoin cloud mining scams.: Hashflare offers SHA-256 mining contracts and more profitable SHA-256 coins can be mined while automatic payouts are still in BTC. Customers must purchase at least 10 GH/s.: Genesis Mining is the largest Bitcoin and scrypt cloud mining provider. Genesis Mining offers three Bitcoin cloud mining plans that are reasonably priced. Zcash mining contracts are also available.: Hashing24 has been involved with Bitcoin mining since 2012. They have facilities in Iceland and Georgia. They use modern ASIC chips from BitFury deliver the maximum performance and efficiency possible. What is Bitcoin Mining? Bitcoin mining is the process of adding transaction records to Bitcoin's public ledger of past transactions. This ledger of past transactions is called the block chain as it is a chain of blocks. The block chain serves to confirm transactions to the rest of the network as having taken place. Bitcoin nodes use the block chain to distinguish legitimate Bitcoin transactions from attempts to re-spend coins that have already been spent elsewhere. Bitcoin mining is intentionally designed to be resource-intensive and difficult so that the number of blocks found each day by miners remains steady. Individual blocks must contain a proof of work to be considered valid. This proof of work is verified by other Bitcoin nodes each time they receive a block. Bitcoin uses the proof-of-work function. The primary purpose of mining is to allow Bitcoin nodes to reach a secure, tamper-resistant consensus. Mining is also the mechanism used to introduce Bitcoins into the system: Miners are paid any transaction fees as well as a 'subsidy' of newly created coins. This both serves the purpose of disseminating new coins in a decentralized manner as well as motivating people to provide security for the system. Bitcoin mining is so called because it resembles the mining of other commodities: it requires exertion and it slowly makes new currency available at a rate that resembles the rate at which commodities like gold are mined from the ground. What is Proof of Work? A is a piece of data which was difficult (costly, time-consuming) to produce so as to satisfy certain requirements. It must be trivial to check whether data satisfies said requirements. Producing a proof of work can be a random process with low probability, so that a lot of trial and error is required on average before a valid proof of work is generated. Bitcoin uses the Hashcash proof of work. What is Bitcoin Mining Difficulty? The Computationally-Difficult Problem Bitcoin mining a block is difficult because the SHA-256 hash of a block's header must be lower than or equal to the target in order for the block to be accepted by the network. This problem can be simplified for explanation purposes: The hash of a block must start with a certain number of zeros. The probability of calculating a hash that starts with many zeros is very low, therefore many attempts must be made. In order to generate a new hash each round, a nonce is incremented. See Proof of work for more information. The Bitcoin Network Difficulty Metric The is the measure of how difficult it is to find a new block compared to the easiest it can ever be. It is recalculated every 2016 blocks to a value such that the previous 2016 blocks would have been generated in exactly two weeks had everyone been mining at this difficulty. This will yield, on average, one block every ten minutes. As more miners join, the rate of block creation will go up. As the rate of block generation goes up, the difficulty rises to compensate which will push the rate of block creation back down. Any blocks released by malicious miners that do not meet the required difficulty target will simply be rejected by everyone on the network and thus will be worthless. The Block Reward When a block is discovered, the discoverer may award themselves a certain number of bitcoins, which is agreed-upon by everyone in the network. Currently this bounty is 25 bitcoins; this value will halve every 210,000 blocks. See Controlled Currency Supply or use a. Additionally, the miner is awarded the fees paid by users sending transactions. The fee is an incentive for the miner to include the transaction in their block. In the future, as the number of new bitcoins miners are allowed to create in each block dwindles, the fees will make up a much more important percentage of mining income. Thanks Blitzboom and the guys from #bitcoin-dev for their help with writing the guide! Other Languages Arabic - Burmese - Chinese (Cantonese) - Chinese (Mandarin) - French - German - Deutsche Hindi - Italian - Italiano Japanese - Korean - Nordics - Polish - Portuguese - Russian - Spanish. This new type of money became very popular during the last decade. It grants a lot of opportunities as for keeping the money as well as for the earning. The most renown of all cyber currencies is bitcoin, that was made in 2009. Nowadays it remains one of the most economic perspectives in the world as this type of money is almost totally independent of any kind of a state. The Hashflare is a trustworthy cloud mining service. Since the beginning, it customers’ amount were more than 10000 clients as they offer you an opportunity to earn cyber currency without spending a lot of money on the soft that is required for mining. The company starts their activity in 2015 and it works till know. The company offers you 5 types of contracts. The bitcoin mining, using SHA-256 algorithm miner. Jan 24, 2018 Best App For Bitcoin Cloud Mining - Hashflare 2018! Hashflare Calculator. The same cryptocurrency, but another algorithm – Scrypt. Ethereum – for ETHASH 4. DASH – for X11 5. Zcash – for EQUIHASH. The offers that the Hashflare company made have a term of one year only. Hashflare offers a unique feature to change a mining pool You can select settings from your account window. Your income depends on cloud mining hashrate you are using. Contracts have maintenance fee which is 0,0035$/ 1 MH/s / 24h for SHA-256 algorithm and 0,005/ 10 GH/s / 24h for Scrypt algorithm. This fee doesn’t spread on Ethereum, Dash and Zcash contracts as they are free from the fee. The income consists of daily payments that the company makes to you. They depend on the hashrate. To calculate your income you need to count your expenses and use the cryptocurrency calculator. Each currency has its own calculator. To make money via the Hashflare is very easy. Everything you need is Hashflare address bar click, sign up and start your work. Notice, that this activity is done under the privacy policy, which means that information would be confidential. Author Posted on Categories. Find out what your expected return is depending on your hash rate and electricity cost. Find out if it's profitable to mine Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, DASH or Monero. Litecoin Mining Calculator and Profit Calculator. Buy / Sell Litecoin Instantly Elements. Hash Rate (KH/s):, Power (Watts):, Power Cost ($/kWh). Difficulty: Block Reward: Pool Fees%. LTC/BTC: BTC/USD Value: Hardware Costs (USD). Litecoin Cryptocurrency Mining Summary. Days to generate one block. Online Bitcoin Profitability Mining Calculator (Russian) Blockchained.com Bitcoin Mining Profitability Calculator. Detailed Cloud Mining Profitability Calculator. Estimated Expected Bitcoin Earnings The estimated expected Bitcoin earnings are based on a statistical calculation using the values entered and do not account for difficulty and exchange rate fluctuations, stale/reject/orphan rates, and a pool's efficiency. If you are mining using a pool, the estimated expected Bitcoin earnings can vary greatly depending on the pool's efficiency, stale/reject/orphan rate, and fees. If you are mining solo, the estimated expected Bitcoin earnings can vary greatly depending on your luck and stale/reject/orphan rate. I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young,so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him.. But they kind of taste like peppermint. By buddah| Thursday 11 August 2016 8:45am|||. Similarities between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan: 'Donald' rhymes with 'Ronald.' President Reagan's 'Western White House' was his beloved Santa Barbara ranch. Trump Steaks came from cows that once lived on a ranch. President Reagan signaled the end of the Cold War and the Soviet Union when he went to Berlin and implored of his counterpart, 'Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!' Donald Trump signaled the end of the Republican relationship with Latino voters when he went to Texas and proclaimed, 'I will build a big, beautiful wall, and Mexico will pay for it!' By buddah| Sunday 24 July 2016 9:40am|||. Dec 6, 2000 - believe in magic. No pointing out their willingness to forego other that elves are short. Or that they gifts, if only they can have a laptop should be in the. 365 Feura Bush Road & 9W. [lf3 Glenmont, New York. ~ MonThurs 9am-8pm ~. Eobot, operational since. Whether or not you use our Cloud Mining or your own hardware. Regardless if it is based on a SHA-256 or Scrypt algorithm. Donald Trump is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and thinks the people in the huddle are talking about him. At a Donald Trump rally the other night, a supporter shouted out the Nazi salute 'Sieg Heil!' Trump immediately responded, 'There is no place for that here - save it for my inauguration.' A protester had to be escorted out of a Donald Trump rally last night for yelling, 'Trump's a racist.' The protester was removed because the Trump campaign has that phrase copyrighted. Donald Trump said yesterday that if he's elected, he would 'probably not talk as much.' That's right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless. By buddah| Thursday 9 June 2016 9:07am|||. Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain.good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy?!? Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me. Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? 'Round' is shape! By buddah| Monday 25 April 2016 8:48am|||. 'I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my God, I can't believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I'll tell you. First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It's probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it's probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Lyin' Ted Cruz, now he's a zero that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy but he's like, '1', on and on, like that. He's like a computer! You know what I mean? He's like a computer. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn't believe it. So, we're gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. By buddah| Sunday 3 April 2016 12:22pm|||. Donald Trump has proposed that the Federal government slash half the alphabet over the next four years. 'The days of living huge with a 26-letter alphabet are over,' Trump said. 'As anyone who watches 'Wheel of Fortune' knows, vowels are not free.' Trump said that there would be tremendous cost savings with a thirteen-letter alphabet, or 'afbat,' as he called it. 'With fewer letters, we would have fewer books, fewer schools, and lower taxes,' he said. 'Although we will have no taxes at all once we eliminate the letter x.' By buddah| Thursday 17 September 2015 9:01am|||. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a set of curtains! Pull yourself together, man! Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell. Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring. Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Who said that? Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that? Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me! Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later. Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch, face down. Doctor, doctor, I can't stop stealing things. Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV! Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon. Sit there and don't stir. By buddah| Tuesday 23 September 2014 8:49am|||. On the heels of his widely-praised exchange of Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl for five captured Taliban commanders, which Democratic strategists are comparing to trading General George Patton for five taxi drivers, President Obama went them one better and swapped all remaining Guantanamo detainees for a bag of magic beans. In announcing the trade, Secretary of State John Kerry stated, 'President Obama has unloaded hundreds of unskilled laborers and taxi drivers whom we already have enough of, and transported them from Gitmo to Afghanistan where they will be more likely to find jobs that fit their training and aspirations, like driving a cab, or follow their dream of being an artist or a poet.' 'The magic beans he obtained from the Taliban in the trade will grow into large beanstalks which will pierce the cloud cover of Republican obstructionism surrounding the planet, and help alleviate climate change. It's a win-win,' Kerry said. 'This is a big effing deal,' said Vice President Joe Biden praising the trade. 'For years the enemy has claimed our foreign policy was based on magical thinking. This swap is proof that we are guided by practicality and realism,' Biden said, adding in passing that 'someone's been eating [his] porridge.' Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid also made a supportive statement, noting that the giant beanstalks will help reduce the deficit: 'We can send people to climb up the beanstalks and steal gold from the giant Koch Brothers, who have hidden it in a castle in the clouds so they wouldn't have to pay taxes on it. Fee, fi, fo, fum,' stated Reid. State Department's Senior Twitterer, Jen Psaki, preempted any hostile criticism by Tweeting that the idea of growing large beanstalks around the White House has nothing to do with making it difficult to see what's going on inside, nor is it an attempt to distract attention from alleged 'scandals,' such as, the VA and Benghazi. 'If anything, President Obama does not give himself enough credit for all his accomplishments in the last five years. He doesn't need magic plants to hide his successes from the public,' Psaki Tweeted. UN Ambassador Susan Rice led the Administration's effort to sell the transaction to TV viewers, telling a Sunday cooking show that 'magic beans can be served with honor and distinction, especially with a main dish of fowl, such as crow.' In a rare public statement, Mullah Omar, leader of the Taliban Taxi Drivers' Union, called the swap a 'victory' for President Obama in his fight against climate change. 'Allah willing, we will continue to aid Obama's jihad against non-believers in global warming.' 'Since he's clean out of detainees, maybe Obama can trade more of our magic beans for something else he doesn't need, like spent plutonium, for example. Our mountain caves make excellent toxic waste repositories. Call me if you want to trade, Barack,' stated Omar, holding his thumb and index finger out in the traditional 'phone call' hand gesture. By buddah| Friday 6 June 2014 12:54pm|||. A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, 'Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?' The little boy replied, 'Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.' The man thanked the boy kindly and said, 'I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.I'll show you how to get to Heaven.' The little boy replied with a chuckle. 'You're bullshitting me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office!' By buddah| Sunday 4 May 2014 7:01am|||. While traveling near Tampa, Florida I passed the 'Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall' and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them. What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell. I could never be a Jehovah's Witness. I didn't see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn't hit anybody. How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light! What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Agnostic? Someone who goes door to door for no apparent reason. I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. By buddah| Wednesday 9 April 2014 7:17pm|||. Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said amongst the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, 'Son, do you have a last request?' To which the man replied, 'Yes, sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?' 'Certainly,' replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, 'Well, what about you son? What is your final request?' 'Please,' said the condemned man, 'kill me first.' By buddah| Wednesday 12 March 2014 10:34am|||. Confucius say 'Shit happens.' Buddha say 'What is shit?' Amish say 'Shit good fertilizer.' Hindu say 'Shit happened before.' Catholic say 'Shit happens because you are bad.' Zoroaster say 'Bad shit happens and good shit happens.' Atheist say 'I don't believe this shit!' Mohammad say 'Shit is the will of Allah.' Satan say '!sneppah tihS' Rabbi say 'Why does shit always happen to US?' Rastafarian say 'Let's smoke this shit!' Pagan say 'Shit is part of nature.' Capitalist say 'How much will this shit cost?' Narcissist say 'My shit don't stink.' Marx say 'The workers take all the shit but they're gonna dish it back out again.' Communist say 'It's everybody's shit.' Scientologist say 'See 'Dianetics', Page 197.' Agnostic say 'What is this shit?' Existentialist say 'Shit doesn't happen. Nihilist say 'Everything is shit.' Creationist say 'The shit happened all at once.' Cargo Cult say 'A plane will come and take the shit away.' Mormons say 'Stockpile toilet paper.' Voodoo witch doctor say 'Hey, that shit looks just like you!' Darwin say 'Shit evolves.' Radical Muslim say 'When shit happens, blame Israel.' TV Evangelist say 'Your shit will cost you.' When Jehovah's Witnesses knock everyone say 'Oh, shit.' Mussolini say 'Shit makes the trains run on time.' Twelve Step Program say 'I am powerless to cut the shit.' Constipated man say 'No shit.' Obama says, 'If you like your shit, you can keep your shit.' By buddah| Friday 7 March 2014 6:52am|||. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. By buddah| Monday 10 February 2014 11:53am|||. Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says: 'When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times.' The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila. He grabs one in each paw, slams the shots, and pounds the glasses to the bar. He turns to the other mice and replies: 'Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can and take it home. In the morning, I grind it up into a powder and put it in my coffee so I get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.' The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, 'I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and f*uck the cat.' By buddah| Thursday 16 January 2014 8:45am|||. Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. 'So', he says to them: 'Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses.' 'Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza.' 'Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center.' 'Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown.' The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says, 'Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hardworking man to have accumulated all this property'. Sarah replies, 'Property? The asshole has a paper route!' By buddah| Sunday 12 January 2014 9:27am|||. It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business. What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store. A blind man walks into a bar. Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives. How does NASA organize their company parties? Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere! Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he's only got his shelf to blame. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go play on our bikes. What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror. What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks 'How do you drive this thing?' Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two tired. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man! Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people! What do you call a big pile of kittens? I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. PMS should just be called ovary-acting. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Learn sign language, it's very handy. I started a band called 999 Megabytes - we haven't gotten a gig yet. You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's pretty cheesy. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care. Dry erase boards are remarkable. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it. By buddah| Saturday 11 January 2014 12:03pm|||. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. By buddah| Thursday 9 January 2014 10:05am|||. The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!' By buddah| Friday 27 December 2013 7:51am|||. Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones. Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men: 1) Argued over nothing 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional 6) Couldn't drive. 7) Failed to think rationally, and 8) Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary! By buddah| Friday 13 December 2013 7:47am|||. 'Jack Schitt is the son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of the 'Kneedeep Schitt Inn.' Jack Schitt married No Schitt and they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after childbirth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son named Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy little number, Pisa Schitt and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.' By buddah| Thursday 12 December 2013 4:32pm|||. Obama goes on a State visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack. The undertakers tell the US diplomats: 'You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.' The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks: 'Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?' One diplomat replied: 'More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. 'We simply can't take that risk'. By buddah| Tuesday 3 December 2013 8:44am|||. A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One. Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver. The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother. Robbins fled the scene and was apprehended at home hours later after police identified her license plates on the store's surveillance camera. Although many are shocked by the senseless violence, the alleged perpetrator is unrepentant. 'Of course I'd do it all over again,' Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. 'My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police. 'Shopping isn't a hobby for me, it's a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. I didn't punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I'm proud of that.' X-Box Dead Today's incident of shopping violence comes on the heels of what experts are describing as the deadliest Black Friday weekend ever. All across the country people are dying at an increased pace. This year will drastically exceed last years death totals for this Holiday season. 'The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving.and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday,' said FBI Specialist Harry Carry. 'We had six people trampled to death at the Best buy, four at the Bed Bath Beyond, and two fatal stabbings at Wal-Mart,' said Miami police spokesman Sgt. James Loftus. Inside a local Target, the crazed shoppers had lost what was rest of their minds. 'We came outside and the Quiznos was burnt to the ground by angry shoppers. I think the Target had ran out of some kind of toaster,' said a shopper who wished not to be named because she was supposed to be bailing out her boyfriend who had punched another shopper over a set of soup ladles. A witness says an old lady beat a kid with her purse in order to get the last toothbrush holder. 'I don't even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35 percent off. I might be old but I'm not dumb, of course I will take advantage of that deal,' says 88-year-old Margaret Robinson. According to Wal-Mart, America's largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season. 'We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it's not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,' Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said. One shopper, Sami Zayn, described the day as 'chaos' and went on to say, 'Thanksgiving used to be about fighting with your family, not other shoppers.' By buddah| Sunday 1 December 2013 5:18pm|||. Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer, who responded to the alarm. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life. Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do. Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers? A: You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. By buddah| Friday 29 November 2013 5:16pm|||. 1) He's helping to repair America's strained relationship with Iran with diplomacy. 2) Parents all across the country can now point to Barack Obama's performance when they're explaining to their children why they shouldn't use drugs. 3) He won the Nobel Peace Prize. 4) Thanks to healthcare.gov, 'New Coke' no longer has to bear the shame of being worst product roll-out in American history. 5) Because of Obama, 91 million people without jobs now have plenty of time to spend with family. 6) He extended childhood all the way up to 26 by allowing 'children' to stay on their parents insurance until then. 7) He's kept goofy uncle Joe Biden from becoming President for five long years. 8) No President in American history has done more to further gun sales than Barack Obama. 9) Without Barack Obama, none of us would have ever heard the name Sandra Fluke and what a tragedy that would be! 10) He has already broken Bill Clinton's record for the most lies told in one presidency with three years left to go in office. 11) When the SEALS asked for permission to kill Bin Laden, he didn't insist that they merely give Osama a good talking to instead. 12) He has worked tirelessly to know the American people better through invasive TSA searches, reading their emails and listening in on their phone calls. 13) Obama's policies are so bad that even real racists have stopped hating him for being Black, and hate him for his failed policies. 14) Because of Obama's economic policies, more Americans than ever have gotten to experience the sweet, sweet joy of funemployment! 15) He's living proof that even a pothead who thinks there are 57 states can still live the American dream. By buddah| Tuesday 26 November 2013 11:29am|||. Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a liberal journalist who also happens to be an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' Or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' ' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress.' By buddah| Monday 25 November 2013 8:00am|||. Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making aloud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault. By buddah| Saturday 23 November 2013 6:26pm|||. You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. You can watch the same movie multiple times and be surprised at the ending each time. You can hear your favorite song on an elevator. Monday through Friday you can do nothing and then on Saturday and Sunday, you can rest. You don't have to waste your time walking to the bathroom to take a leak 3. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. When you get a little action, that means your prune juice is working. You are not dead. By buddah| Saturday 16 November 2013 11:51am|||. Due to a shortage of beds to lay in at a homeless shelter, three men were set to be laying together in a California King sized mattress. That night, the three go to bed. They wake up the next morning to the alarm clock going off, waking the three up. The man on the left says 'Hmm, I had the oddest dream. I had a dream that I was being given a hand job.' The man on the right says 'Yeah. The man in the center says 'Hmm, that's weird. I dreamed I was skiing.' By buddah| Friday 25 October 2013 6:47pm|||. She's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's as sharp as a bowling ball. He's all hat, and no cattle. He's a recovering alcoholic: recovering from last night! You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication! She's so ugly, she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Does your face hurt, because it's killing me! He's a couple of terrorists short of a Jihad. You're so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras. In a battle of wits she's unarmed. The oven's on, but nothing's cooking. He's a little too tall for his blood supply. When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks. I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you. No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they? His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. He's a few clowns short of a circus. She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She's a few Cokes short of a six-pack. He's a few peas short of a casserole. The wheel's spinning, but his hamster's dead. She's one taco short of a combination plate. She's a few feathers short of a whole duck. He's all foam, no beer. The cheese slid off his cracker. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools. She's as smart as bait. He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. He forgot to pay his brain bill. Her sewing machine's out of thread. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. He's a prime candidate for natural deselection. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. By buddah| Tuesday 22 October 2013 12:14pm|||. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.' She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.' She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.' She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.' She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.' HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.' He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.' He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.' He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.' He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.' It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.' By buddah| Wednesday 16 October 2013 9:55pm|||. A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said, Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.' By buddah| Tuesday 15 October 2013 7:41am|||. It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: 'Would you like dinner?' 'What are my choices?' Asked the passenger. 'Yes or No,' replied the attendant. The airplane encountered some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a business man 'Would you like a drink?' He replied, 'I'll have whatever the pilot's been having.' By buddah| Monday 14 October 2013 9:41am|||. A man is drinking at a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. 'Hello there, and what is your name?' 'Hello,' giggles the woman, 'I'm Stacey. What's yours?' 'Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?' Replies Jim, 'Let's go!' At Stacey's house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, 'Is this your brother?' 'No, it isn't, Jim!' Stacey giggles. 'Is it your husband?' Stacey giggles even more., 'No, silly!' 'Then it must be your boyfriend!' Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, 'No, silly!' 'Then, who is it?' Stacey replies, 'That's me before my operation!' By buddah| Sunday 6 October 2013 10:12am|||. A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks the son what he did that afternoon. The son say, 'I did some homework.' The robot slaps the son. The son says, 'Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies.' Dad asks, 'What movie did you watch?' Son says, 'Toy Story.' The robot slaps the son. Son say, 'Ok, ok, we were watching porn.' Dad says, 'What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was.' The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, 'Well, he certainly is your son.' The robot slaps the mother. By buddah| Friday 4 October 2013 6:35pm|||. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. (ever been to K MART) 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. You're never too old to learn something stupid. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now. By buddah| Friday 4 October 2013 8:19am|||. OBAMACARE BLUES (Sung to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash) I hear the train a-comin'; It's rollin' off the track; 'Cause once we get Obamacare, There is no turnin' back. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. That train, it is a-wobblin'; Disaster soon awaits. Americans - hang on real tight Before you learn your fates. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I lost my health insurance; My job, I've also lost. Obamacare changed all the rules Which increased all the cost. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. 'Big Brother' wants you to enroll - 'Exchange' plan - you must choose; Deduct-ibles are all so high No matter what, you lose. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I saw a 'navigator' The 'Marketplace', we viewed But rationing was not discussed It's ALL so mis-construed. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. Has seized all Of my health his-to-ry They do not have respect for Confident-ial-ity. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I called to see my doctor; The explanation's odd: They said, 'He's not your doctor now, You're in a different pod'. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I have a next-door neighbor - He thinks he broke his wrist. He went to see the Doc and was Put on a waiting list. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. A woman saw her husband as The 'mower' slashed his toes; She rushed him to the hospital And found that it had closed. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. All the folks with Medicare Will see it slowly end; That bumpy train will come for you When it rolls 'round the bend. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. The widow livin' all alone Had pains inside her chest. The busy clinic sent her home And said, 'Just get some rest'. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. Gramps needs an urgent surgery; His age is eighty-five; The 'panel' said, 'That's way too old!' Now, he won't stay alive. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. The media made fun of Sarah Palin and her fight. She warned us of death panels; Now, we know that she was right. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I hear a baby cryin'; His mama said, 'He's ill, and I can't tell if he'll get well Without a doctor's skill.' (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. I saw the undertaker A grin was on his face. He had to get more room, 'cause He was runnin' outta space. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. Our government has forced this, But why can't we resist? Well, get your dictionary out And look up 'COMMUNIST'. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. That train, it sounds its whistle And sends a message clear: 'It's all about CONTROL, ya know; Your freedom's lost, I fear.' (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause NOTHIN'S EVER FREE. You'll pay someday, and miss the way Things used to - ought to - be. (REFRAIN) 'Twas never meant for health care, Don't matter who it screws; It won't help any-body; I've got Obama-care Blues. By buddah| Thursday 3 October 2013 8:09am|||. A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, 'Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!' He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, 'Oh you think that's funny? He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. 'What's so funny?' The truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!' By buddah| Monday 30 September 2013 9:23am|||. The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left. 'Janie, do you have a story to share?' My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Afghanistan, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Taliban fighters. She shot 15 of them until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last guy with her bare hands.' 'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?' 'Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking.' By buddah| Friday 27 September 2013 6:38pm|||. A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. 'What's going on here?' The guy sobs, 'I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up.' The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. 'I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!' By buddah| Thursday 26 September 2013 10:50am|||. Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater Had a wife and couldn't keep her. Obama gave them Section Eight; They still have no cash, but are livin' great! Twinkle, twinkle, little car, What a gas guz-zel-er you are! Your days are few, your grave's been dug, 'Cause new cars will need an electric plug. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To find some food to eat. A voice called, 'Hey, Mama, it's your pal Obama! These link cards just can't be beat!' Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Eating a burger and fries. Obama yelled, 'Jack - enjoy that Big Mac, 'Cause my health care reform is all lies!' There was an old woman who lived in a shoe 'Cause her home was foreclosed on, and dollars were few. So since she had shelter laced over her head, Barack just gave her a cellphone instead. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Preparing her res-u-me'. She thought, 'Oh, what the heck - the job market's a wreck; Let Obama keep paying my way! Little Bo Peep keeps counting her sheep While tossing and turning in bed. She thinks of her fears as 'Obamacare' nears And exclaims, 'I'll be better off dead!' Tom, Tom the pauper's son Stole a gun and away he run! Knowing crime laws don't work, and gun laws abound, Tom will fill HIS new toy with one extra round! Jack and Jill went up the hill To attend the public schools. Their teachers get paid - though they can't make the grade, Leaving taxpayers feeling like fools. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? The Department of Ag made my life such a drag, Now my garden's just grass that I mow. Hey, Diddle Diddle, the Class in the Middle Heard good times are soon on the way. Now, they look in their purse and find times have got worse 'Cause their government still screws them each day! Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on his farm he raised his crops, E-I-E-I-O: Soybeans, oats, and hay and corn, Calves and chickens there were born. Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. Old MacDonald died one day, E-I-E-I-O. So, now tax time was on its way, E-I-E-I-O: County, fed'ral, state, and death - His land then drew ITS final breath. Old MacDonald HAD a farm. Little Boy Blue, quit blowing your horn, You're just one of many who's mad and forlorn. Those elitists in Washington have all the clout. It's time that the people here run 'em all out! The Farmer in the Dell Was doing very well, Then along came the EPA And his business went to hell! By buddah| Saturday 21 September 2013 5:18pm|||. I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. So I decide to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. 'Are you sure?' Asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' I replied, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you. You're mine.' I lost 63 pounds that week. Signed, Skinny Hugo by buddah| Wednesday 18 September 2013 1:07pm|||. A guy goes into the Environmental Protection Agency to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?' He replies, 'Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee.' 'Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?' 'Yes,' he says, 'I was in Afghanistan for one tour.' The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.' Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?' The guy says, 'Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.' The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.' The guy is puzzled and asks, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?' 'This is a government job', the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.' By buddah| Tuesday 10 September 2013 6:50am|||. 'The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' The English have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to 'Let's get the Bastards.' They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.' The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose.' Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from 'No worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate.' Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!' And 'The barbie is cancelled.' So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.' -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person. By buddah| Monday 2 September 2013 7:16pm|||. A Mexican (an undocumented Democrat), a Black (a documented Democrat), a Muslim, and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared. 'I can only grant four wishes,' the Genie said. 'Since there are four of you, you may have a wish a piece.' Pointing at the Black, he said, 'Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.' The Black thought for a moment then said, 'I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa.' Thousands of ships appeared on the skyline. The Mexican said, 'I weesh for enough Cheby peek ups to take all my peoples back to our homeland, May-he-co!' Row after row of rusty Chevrolet pickups appeared on the beach! The Muslim said, 'I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.' A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach! Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, 'And what is your wish?' The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off. The Redneck said, 'Just give me a Bud Lite. It doesn't get any better than this!' By buddah| Tuesday 27 August 2013 8:52am|||. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. A will is a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. A calendar's days are numbered. A boiled egg is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. For those of you who are just starting out in Bitcoin or experienced Bitcoin Enthusiasts, Hashflare can offer you the opportunity to mine Bitcoin without the need for expensive SHA 256 mining equipment. Hashflare provides a cloud mining service where you can invest as little as 2 dollars for 12 months of Bitcoin Mining. You can find out how much profit is possible by using the Hashflare Profit Calculator on the main dashboard of Hashflare which is as simple as using sliders to select the speed of mining, and the real-time cost of the mining is displayed. Mining using Hashflare is simple, they look after the equipment, they let you choose from a number of pools to mine, and they will release payment to you daily (providing your wallet has the minimum amount for withdrawal). Hashflare dont just offer the opportunity to mine Bitcoin, you can also mine a wide range of currencies easily from your dashboard. Currencies include Litecoin, Etherium and Zcash. Hashflare deduct the maintenance fees from your balance every 24 hours leaving you with profit based on the mining speed you have chosen. Since the beginning of the second half of 2017, I call myself a proud crypto investor - currently investing in the 4 major cryptocurrencies - bitcoin, ethreum, litecoin and ripple. Starting July 2017, using I keep buying crypto coins once in the month. So far, the total crypto portfolio shows an awesome 132.98% year to date value growth. Update, lately I've been playing with bitcoin cloud mining contracts from HashFlare, see (Affiliate link here - if you will click, register and decide to invest, I might earn 10% commission from that) A couple of days ago I decided to give it a try and set up a, for that I headed to Amazon.com and ordered goodies (motherboard, graphics card, risers, processor and so on) Now, in total, I spent $960 for a bare minimum, just one GPU, which I'm planning to extend during 2018, by adding a new card once in the month. I decided to compare/forecast/predict - should I rather had invested $960 directly purchasing ethereum, zcash or monero, instead of building a mining rig. From money invested in mining rig ($960), I could buy 2.03 ETH. By knowing approximate hashing power (22.5MH/s) and electric costs ($0.08) I calculated how much I could earn with just 1 GPU in one year. The result is not at all impressive - just 1.23 ETH. Apparently, if you are deciding to invest in mining rig - one GPU might be too short to get back your investment in a foreseen future. Ethreuem calculator As I'm planning to run a full 12 GPU Ethreum mining rig, the cost for it would be, if all parts bought at once - $3,880.93. For that money, I could buy 8.21 ETH. Let's see how much ETH a 12 GPU mining rig could theoretically produce in a year: Ethereum calculator for 12 GPU 14.73 ETH - Now, that already seems as a nice result. If converted back to the USD using today's ETH pricing ( which is wrong, as we have no clue what will be the price for ETH at the end of 2018) we could get $6959.33, or profit at $3,079. These calculations are just for the illustration as we don't have any clue what will be the ETH price in a year - it could go to the moon or it could dip. It's still like a gambling to me. Also, there is a huge possibility Ethereum switching from Proof of Work to Proof of Stake, putting miners in unclear future. On the other hand, there are other coins we could mine with GPU in 2018, Zcash or Monero for example. Let's apply the same maths for Monero (XMR) • 1 GPU $960 = 3.77XMR • Mined in a year = 1.57 XMR Monero Calculator 1 GPU Let's see what happens with 12 GPU Monero mining rig: • 12 GPU $3,880.93 = 15.26 XMR • Mined in a year: 18.89 XMR Monero calculator 12 GPU Profitable, but not as lucrative as mining ether. Mining Monero would break even after a year of operations. Zcash (ZEC) • 1 GPU $960 = 3.09 ZEC • Mined in a year = 1.6 ZEC Zcash calculator 1 GPU Again, let's calculate 12 GPU Zcash mining rig • 12 GPU $3,880.93 = 12.51 ZEC • Mined in a year: 19.24 ZEC Zcash 12 GPU calculator Now, better than Monero, but worse than Ethereum. Well, it's clear where most GPU power will go in case Ethereum implements PoS protocol in 2018/. Nothing is certain for sure, but if looking from the perspective of December 2017, then it seems it's worth invest in mining if you have at least $2,000 to invest. For smaller amounts - it's easier, faster and simpler just to buy and hold. Affiliate link here: If you are just planning to acquire your first bitcoin, ethereum or litecoin, consider to, once you buy or sell $100 (€85) of digital currency or more, we will both get $10 (€8) of free bitcoin. And remember, your capital is at risk - you could lose some or all of your money. I believe a 6 GPU mining rig could be built for about $2,000 and seems that 6 GPU is a break-even point when mining seems at least an option to consider. For 2018 I'm planning both to buy and mine coins. What about you? Are you a seasoned miner? Leave a comment - readers and I would love to hear! • 8501 reads. Eth mining calculator. The calculator fetches price and network data from the. Biggest bitcoin payout bitcoin fork 2017 why people are moving. Bitcoin Mining Calculator Got your shiny new ASIC miner? Wondering when it will pay off? If you enter your hash rate below, this page will calculate your expected earnings in both Bitcoins and dollars over various time periods (day, week, and month). It will not attempt to extrapolate difficulty or price changes -- it provides only instantaneous calculations (how much you'd make if all conditions remained as they were right now). An API is available. Next difficulty retarget occurs at block 508031.0 (eta 9.1 days): 2.775194394e+12 / +6.6% [est.] Difficulty Factor Hash Rate Exchange Rate ($/BTC) [preev] BTC / Block 0 Has this service helped you? BTC 1MW6BNqwU4StysayHwApDZPBggms25tf5t. May 22, 2017 - How to use Bitcoin Mining Calculator. Set the value of 1 Bitcoin with the slider (4000$ on 5th October 2017); Enter the hash rate which you plan to buy; Now you can see the NET Bitcoins and US Dollars payouts - this amount will be sent to your Bitcoin wallet. Please Select Your Genesis SHA-256. Would you recommend using Hashflare or Genesis for cloud mining for a beginner? You can get started with as little as $2.20 for 1 contract of Hashpower by using the cloud mining service hashflare. Create your account and purchase a SHA-256 contract, you can either use USD via Credit card or pay with Bitcoin. Bitzfree is a free cloud mining service (game) supported by ads and aims to spread the Bitcoin revolution. Users are given 20.00 initial SHA-256 Cloud GHs mining. 50 GHs Sing Up Bonus. Labels: Crymonix: CryMONIX – Cloud Mining. Hashflame.com _ Start Bitcoin mining 100GH/s Free Click Here Links 1 hashflare login. Bagi Bitcoiner yang masih ingin gratisan dengan cloud mining terbaru gratis 20 KHs dan mudah-mudahan ini masih bisa dipercaya, tidak ada salahnya untuk mencobanya, dan jika agan semua berkehendak silahkan agan pake reflink ane,, Dan yang paling menarik di Cloud Mining Terbaru ini adalah adanya kontes untuk bagi setiap user jika mendaftarkan banyak rekan atau temani, maka dari itu mari kita gabung untuk saling menguntungkan dalam mencari bitcoin gratisan. Pemenang kontes di undi setiap bulan yang terdiri dari tiga pemenang dengan hadiah sebagai berikut: Juara 1: $ 150 Juara 2: $ 75 Juara 3: $ 50 Jangan Lewatkan kesempatan baik ini, kita ketemu di cloud mining tersebut, semoga sukses selalu bitcoiner indonesia. This free cloud mining list will be updated from time to time. Last update: 2018/January/25. The followings have been verified to pay (check the comments for payment status):, Moon Faucets, (Closed), (Closed), (Closed), (Closed),, (Scam!), (Scam!),, (Scam!), (Scam!), (Scam!), (Scam!), (Scam!), (Scam!), (Scam!),, (Scam!),,,,,, (Scam!),, (Scam!) Tips: Use the free bonus to mine Dogecoin if possible as it usually has the lowest withdraw threshold. Don't invest too much into suspect services! If you want to investment a large amount money into cloud mining, try more trusted services such as (use code hl6V5J to get discount of 3% on all Hashpower packages. New: use code HappyBirthdayGM16 at checkout for 5% discount valid until April 12th at 23:59 GMT(Expired)), ( 10% discount code for any HashFlare contract (valid until 1st of April): HF17BDAY10,Halloween discount! Use code HF17HLWN10ALL on the purchase page to get 10% off all contracts!),. Recomended 1. ( Paying!) Sign up bonus: 20 GH/s Note: You can increase your GHs easily by hacking other user's and re-invest your mined Bitcoins. Note: The new DonaldCoin, free Bitcoin generator game with no minimum and instant payout to FaucetBox. Site is Down!) 10. Others The following are some scam like cloud mining sites with sign up bonus, not recommended to invest unless you trust them. Be warned that many cloud mining services are just, for example, cloudminr.io (). They all offer sign up bonus but have a high threshold for withdraw and even require deposit before withdraw. Anyway, you can do the mining before/without investment. You can check the sites below at (which comments/lists most of the below sites as scam sites) for scam advises/reviews, and check the paying status at and. Sign up bonus: 10 GH/s Note: Bonus Hashrate is for 15 Years. You need to purchase minimum 20 GH/s before you can withdrawal. (Limited time offer! Expiry date: 2016/March/ 6th20th) Expired. ( Paying!) Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s to 1000 GH/s (random) Note: Bonus is only valid for the first month on signing up (one-month contract). ( Paying!) Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s Note: Russian site, use google translate. Need a address to sign up. (Warning: Withdraw Pending since 2016/08/22!) Sign up bonus: 0.0000004 BTC/min Note: A Bitcoin mining game with fully automatic process. Withdraw Problem: 87. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 30 2uhash 96. ( Paying!) Sign up bonus: 20000 Satoshi Note: Need to install their mining software. ( Paying!) Sign up bonus: Faucet (1 MH/s for every 30 minutes) Note: Can withdraw through or FaucetHub, so it has no minimum withdraw threshold. You should claim your earning (Home-> Click 'Finalize your contract (Get Paid)' button every 5 minutes as a beginner). (waiting) Sign up bonus: 1.83 GH/s (for 7 days) Note: Withdrawal is available only after the first paid contract. Sign up bonus: 0.001 GH/s 131. Sign up bonus: 300 KH/s Note: Your account will be suspended as inactive if you don't make a deposit. (Warning: Withdraw Pending since 2017/05/05!) Sign up bonus: 0.0000004 BTC/min Note: A BitMiner clone. Sign up bonus: 1250 GH/s Note: To receive payout from FREE TRIAL CONTRACT you have to purchase a mining contract. (warning: login problem!) Sign up bonus: 15 KH/s Note: You must purchase hashpower for withdrawal unlocked. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 5 GH/s 145. (waiting) 146. (warning PIN problem!) Sign up bonus: 40 Satoshi per minute 149. Sign up bonus: 0.00000660 BTC Daily 151. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s Note: bonus hashrate has expiration. (withdraw pending since 2018/01/09) Sign up bonus: 0.00500000 BTC 153. (warning: login problem!) Sign up bonus: 10 USD 154. (withdraw pending since 2017/12/24) Sign up bonus: 0.02 MH/s 155. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 5 GH/s 168. Sign up bonus: 1 KH/s (1000 KR) Need a address to withdraw. Payments to Payeer are available to users who have replenished the balance by at least 2 rubles or earned 100 personally credited referrals. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 10 USD 178. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 1 Mining Machine 179. Sign up bonus: 15 KH/s Note: Sign Up bonus 15 KH/s will be automatically after 30 days of no Purchase. If you want to be activate 15 KH/s, purchase minimum of 20 KH/s power anytime. Your free powers will be activated automatically. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 10 GH/s 184. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s Note: Bonus lasts 15 days. After 15th day account hashpower will be set to 0 GH/s unless you upgrade it. (waiting) Sign up bonus: Faucet 192. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 20 GH/s 193. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 20 GH/s (1 Year) 195. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 197. Sign up bonus: 50.00 GH/S Note: bonus hash will be suspended if no deposit. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 100 GH/S 200. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 500 RUB 201. (withdraw pending since 2017/12/22) Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 202. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 20 GH/s 205. (withdraw pending since 2017/12/09) Sign up bonus: 0.0006 BTC per day 206. Sign up bonus: 0.0015 rubles/60 minutes Note: Need a address to register. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s 209. (waiting) Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 211. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 212. Sign up bonus: 1 Dm/s 213. Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s 214. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 215. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 216. (warning: login problem!) Sign up bonus: Faucet Note: An clone. Sign up bonus: 200 GH/s for three months 218. Sign up bonus: 10$ 219. Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s 220. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 221. Sign up bonus: 100 GH/s 222. Sign up bonus: 20 GH/s 223. Sign up bonus: 1 MH/s 224. Sign up bonus: 1 MH/s 225. Sign up bonus: 1 GH/s Confirmed Scam Sites. LiquidGHS Forclosure Notice Bitlegend [email protected] via hashon.ru 9 Aug (13 days ago) to Bitlegend LiquidGHS Hello all, We are announcing the foreclosure of Cloud Mining Services on the date of 2016-15-09. It is advised that all investing members withdraw your account balance's immediately or before 2016-15-09. Failure to do so will result in your lost profits. The foreclosure is unfortunately a legal issue with regards to our services and out of our control. We are sorry for the inconveniences caused. PureGH's Admin. موقع رائع و جيد للمبتدئين والدين يبحتون عن ربح سريع في موقع صادق. يقوم الموقع بتقسيم الارباح مع المشتركين في كل نصف ساعة. والموقع عكس ترافيك مونسون. Best way btc investment plan Refferal link: Refferal link: Bitcoin Office Limited presents a new look at the system of profitable relations between investors and a team of professional technicians from the field of Bitcoin mining and trading, there are the best conditions of trust management and win-win investment strategy. Currently, modern international company with roots from the United Kingdom proposes to check out the quality of mining process, trading on cryptocurrency exchanges and private electronic currency exchange results. Bitcoin mining refers to the use of your computing power to process transactions on the bitcoin blockchain for which you get returns (in the form of new bitcoins). Bitcoin Cloud Mining refers to the process of ‘mining’ bitcoins with the use of a remote datacentre that has a processing power that is shared. With cloud mining, you don’t need to manage mining hardware. The miner might get lower returns as cloud mining is a service, hence there is a cost involved. Cloud mining enables to people earn bitcoins without the hassle of having to buy and maintain mining hardware. Bitcoin Press Release: With above 3 many years experience in the business Hashflare is pleased to announce 1 12 months Ethereum cloud mining contracts with NO. Is currently the largest provider of bitcoin mining. It is the safest way to purchase hashpower as it doesn’t require any software and hardware set up. Some of the advantages of bitcoin cloud mining are: • No excess heat to endure. • Zero costs of electricity. • No problems of ventilation when handling hot equipment. • There will be no cases of suppliers failing to deliver on time. One of Genesis Mining’s most popular cloud mining contracts is the unlimited bitcoin mining contract, which will run indefinitely as long as the price of bitcoin does not drop to a level where the costs of mining exceed the revenues it generates. If that occurs, machines are shut down and the mining contract ends. Hence, cloud mining is only profitable as long as the price of bitcoin maintains an upwards (or at least sideways) trend. WATCH OUT FOR SCAMS Unfortunately, it is important to note that mining scams are on the rise like the possible $500,000 that was uncovered. Potential buyers of cloud mining services need to be extremely careful before purchasing any bitcoin mining contracts as companies posing as bitcoin cloud mining providers are one of the most common scams in the bitcoin economy. Hence, when choosing a bitcoin cloud mining operator, you need to be very careful and always consult community forums, such as, to receive information about the cloud mining company you plan to use. One of my favourite bitcoin publications, BTCManager, has an excellent bitcoin site that can help choose a bitcoin cloud mining service, should you decide to purchase cloud mining contracts. IS BITCOIN CLOUD MINING A GOOD INVESTMENT? Well, the answer is yes and no. Since the mining difficulty of bitcoin has increased substantially in the last few years, mining at home using bitcoin mining hardware has become unprofitable for individuals as they can not compete with large international mining operations that own warehouses full of bitcoin mining machines. In terms of bitcoin cloud mining, since the price of bitcoin has continuously increased in recent years, cloud mining contracts have been profitable investments and will stay profitable as long as bitcoin continues to gain in value. Having said that, historical data shows that investors who simply bought and held bitcoin made higher returns than those who invested in bitcoin cloud mining contracts. Hence, it is up to you to decide whether you prefer to invest a larger amount once to then receive smaller daily or weekly bitcoin payouts “indefinitely” or do you prefer to buy and hold bitcoin and benefit purely from the capital gains of the digital currency? There is an excellent article on how long it will take you to generate a return on investment using the most prominent cloud mining provider Genesis Mining by 99Bitcoin’s Ofir Beigel on. If you are considering investing in a cloud mining contract, you should read this post first. WHY I CLOUD MINE BITCOINS Personally, I cloud mine bitcoin using for idealistic reasons. I purchased their cheapest lifetime bitcoin mining contract (for $30) as I want to play my small part in ensuring that the bitcoin network continues to operate effectively. To get a return on investment it will take me well over a year, provided the price of bitcoin stays stable. Having said that, I am not too fussed about $30 should I not break even on this “investment” anytime soon. While you may like the idea of receiving regular passive income payments in bitcoin (I know I do!), you will most likely generate a much better return on investment by investing bitcoin peer-to-peer loans or simply buying and holding various promising cryptocurrencies (such as Dash, ether or everyone’s favorite bitcoin) as long-term investments. Since the first warning in 2015, the Central Bank of Kenya still maintains that cryptocurrencies are risky. The recent bitcoin dip from around 1.7 million to 1.1 million Kenyan shillings now makes the Kenyan regulator absolutely sure that you may lose all your money. In a at CBK headquarters in Nairobi, Central Bank Governor Dr. Patrick Njoroge cautioned, “If you want to invest in those things, know that it is a bubble of a kind. Be ready to lose all your money. It is dangerous.” Kenyans are among the highest bitcoin holders in the world per capita according to a Citibank. In addition, bitcoin and blockchain events held in 2017 suggest an increasing interest in digital currencies in the country. For instance, during a at Metta Nairobi last year, a young man had travelled all the way from Kisumu – a distance of 350km – to learn about bitcoin. The increasing enthusiasm surrounding cryptocurrencies could be an indication that a significant number of Kenyans posses different views from those of the CBK. What Could Cryptocurrency Regulation Mean to Startups in this Space? “We have been looking into bitcoin and what it means to those who may want to put in their money,” Dr Njoroge stated. This statement implies possible regulation plans by the CBK in the future. But what exactly does this mean? “Bitcoin cannot be regulated; what you can regulate is what the companies that are involved in it do,” ICT Cabinet Secretary Mucheru said in a recent. Bitcoin is a decentralised currency which means that it is not controlled by anyone. Therefore, possible regulation by the CBK means controlling the activities of virtual currency exchanges, initial coin offerings (ICOs), and blockchain startups only. Unfortunately, regulation can either be good or bad for startups. For example,, an FX and B2B payments platform that was started in Kenya, no longer accepts new Kenyan users because of regulatory prohibitions. BitPesa was prohibited from maintaining accounts with local banks, which prevents the startup from processing payments in KES. As a result, regulation can disrupt business activities for cryptocurrency and blockchain startups. However, friendly regulations can also increase cryptocurrency use as seen in Japan. Nikkei, “Japan is fast turning into the world’s top haven for cryptocurrencies [].” We Accept Blockchain Technology Most financial institutions around the world have accepted blockchain technology and the CBK has not been left behind. “Blockchain technology is something that can be useful. We are not anti-technology. The issue is safety [],” the Governor said. Whether the CBK is being objective or not in its warnings is a matter of personal opinion. However, before those regulations are laid down, crypto investors in Kenya will continue to enjoy a space where little to no monitoring is taking place. Photo by Keith Hinkle| Licensed under Creative Commons A lot of cryptocurrency millionaires were made last year when the price of bitcoin soared to hit an all-time high of over $20,000. One of these bitcoin millionaires is American rapper 50 Cent. The hip-hop artist had forgotten about his stash of digital coins, which is now worth approximately $8 million. According to, 50 Cent’s large bitcoin fortune was acquired in 2014 when he allowed people to purchase his album, Animal Ambition, using bitcoin. At this time, the bitcoin price was at around $650. Unlike other people who lost their bitcoins because they forgot their old account’s login details, 50 Cent was lucky that he remembered his. 50 Cent was recently faced with a financial dilemma when in the summer of 2015. By 2017, he had paid off his debts which amounted to over $22 million. The rapper paid off the five-year plan early thanks to a legal malpractice settlement and is now also a bitcoin millionaire. “Not bad for a kid from South Side. I’m so proud of me,” 50 Cent posted on Instagram and Twitter confirming his good fortune. He also uploaded a photo of himself surrounded by bitcoins and wrote, “A little bitcoin anyone? I know I make you sick but excuse me I’m getting to the bag.” An r/bitcoin subscriber,”Bet he changes his name to 50BTC after this.” The post received many comments from Redditors where one of them said, “I bought that album. [] I just wanted to support a vendor who accepted bitcoin.” Celebrities and Cryptocurrencies Unlike 50 Cent who is an “accidental” bitcoin holder, other celebrities are intentionally promoting and investing in cryptocurrencies. According to, some of these celebrities include Paris Hilton, Jamie Foxx, and Floyd Mayweather. Additionally, could also become a trend in the future as mentioned by a Steemit user. BieberCoin is simply a joke at present, but serious celebrity coins that are backed by practical use cases could emerge in the future. The lesson you can learn from 50 Cent’s story is to never forget your wallet’s login details. Always remember to back up your password and create a recovery phrase. In addition, you have learned the important lesson that high risks yield high returns. 50 Cent took a chance on a digital currency that was not as popular in 2014 and it paid off for him. The Securities Exchange Commission of Zimbabwe (SecZim) has warned investors against investing money in unregulated exchanges and securities following plans by Golix to issue a multi-million dollar initial coin offering (ICO). According to sources, the Harare-based cryptocurrency exchange is seeking to raise a minimum of $10 million. The company would be the first bitcoin startup in Zimbabwe to use this innovative way to raise funds. The ICO Boom An initial coin offering (ICO) is a revolutionary way to raise the capital needed for new cryptocurrency projects by issuing a percentage of the initial coins supply among early-stage investors. Similar to investing in a company’s stock, the value of the new coin linked to the digital currency project has the potential to gain in value as the project performs well. Once successfully launched, the new coins or tokens can be traded on cryptocurrency exchanges. Globally, ICOs have appealed to blockchain companies as the next big thing in corporate fundraising and speculative investing. In 2017 alone, over $4 billion dollars were raised through this new form of fundraising. However, ICOs have faced hurdles in the form of financial regulators, central banks, and governments which are concerned about the disruptive nature of cryptocurrency technologies and their potential for illegal uses. Last year, both China and South Korea banned ICOs. ICO to Fund Regional Expansion Amidst Regulatory Pressure, which traded over $1 million worth of bitcoin last month, is looking to launch its ICO by the end of March, or latest in the second quarter, according to sources. The company which recently trading on its digital currency exchange intends to raise money to fund its entry into other African markets. However, Securities Exchange Commission of Zimbabwe (SecZim) CEO, Tafadzwa Chinamo as there is no legal recourse in case of mishaps. “Investing in cryptocurrencies in Zimbabwe is a personal decision. The SecZim advises against investing in securities that are not regulated for a few obvious reasons. Investment in cryptos in Zimbabwe is not protected by any law in any way,” Chinamo stated. According to Chinamo, unlike IPOs which are governed by strict rules that foster transparency and disclosure and ensure investors are not misled by fraudulent persons who float worthless securities, ICOs usually operate in a legal grey area, though this is largely in part due to the lack of cryptocurrency regulation in Zimbabwe. Locally, companies launched IPOs are required to submit registration statements, financial statements dating back five years, and are also required to undergo valuation by independent financial advisors to determine the fairness of the quoted IPO share price. These disclosures are subject to review for compliance by the market regulator. ICOs, on the other hand, operate on the fringes with little or no regulatory oversight. Usually, startups launching ICOs will release a technical whitepaper explaining their project and will market their token sale in the hope that prospective investors will buy into the project. Having said that, many Zimbabweans may choose to ignore the warnings as the cryptocurrency mania takes root in the country. A few months ago the high demand for bitcoin on the local exchange drove. The demand was buoyed by a debilitating liquidity crunch and acute cash shortage in the country that has affected individuals and businesses who want to engage in commerce and international trade. Hence, cryptocurrencies like bitcoin remain popular among Zimbabweans as an alternative currency and as an investment, which could, in turn, help Golix’s ICO funding ambitions. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2018
Categories |